1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
