even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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