Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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