Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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