I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
