You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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