Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
