Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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