I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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