Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
