just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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