Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
