Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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