dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
