OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.