apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been