I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn