Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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