I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found your dick twin last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
