If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
