Swine flu. Run for my life!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There are leaves in my underwear?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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