things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
