You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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