Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
