Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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