I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
