it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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