Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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