Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize