she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
