I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
