just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
