Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
