Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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