btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
