I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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