bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
