Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize