I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
