I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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