chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
