his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
