evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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