I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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