just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i think i just lost a toe
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
