TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
