So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
