Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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