Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
