I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize