Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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