I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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