my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
