I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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