I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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