even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
