dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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