I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
