That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
