turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
