Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
