mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
