it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
