the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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