Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
