We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
