I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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