Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
