Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
