is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
