apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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