someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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