Just fell off a train. Bad.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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