imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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