They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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