Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
