He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
