I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
