Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
