mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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