So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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