She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
