And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
