I smell stomach acid.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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