I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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